He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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