i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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