Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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