It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
