Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
