Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
