Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
