So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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