sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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