Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
