Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
