you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
