You smell like stripper and shame
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
