I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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