I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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