Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
