the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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