it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
