Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
