We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
