I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
