I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
