I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
