I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
