he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
