You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
