He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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