what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
