Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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