Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
