Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
