so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
