this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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