Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
