So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
