your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
