we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
