Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
