so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
nutella sex= disaster
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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