Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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