I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
