I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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