You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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