Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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