Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
