If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
