Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
