Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
