He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
