There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
