I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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