just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
