I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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