Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
