I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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