Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
