Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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