I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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