Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
