im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
