A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
