It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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